Dear Junior,

Merry Christmas! Warmer temperatures and plenty of snow have combined to bring us a Christmas fog that has settled over the city. Streetlights float in the mist creating halos of yellow glare. Like phantoms of Christmas yet to come cars emerge out of the soup in a rumbling, crunching burst of light - their headlights barely penetrating the fog. It’s eerily quite this Christmas morn with all of the campus deserted and the Mansion sitting on the edge of the void.

Having celebrated Christmas on Sunday with your mom and dad today looks to be quite laid back and counter to our usual holiday festivities of opening Christmas Stockings then partaking in a Christmas Day feast, last year it was my infamous beef and seafood stir-fry. Although it is unusual and odd not to have Christmas Stocking to dig into and presents to unwrap it feels good not to have the presence of presents hanging overhead. For most of my life the tradition of gift giving and receiving has been central to Christmas tradition. When our children were young and both their grandparents were alive it would literally take hours to open the gifts that were stacked like multi-colored towers beneath and around our Christmas tree. Your mom, aunt. and uncle would tear into one after another gift while the adults dutifully looked on and smiled or sought for a sign that the gifts were “just right” and properly appreciated. When Thelma, Mem’s mother was in attendance we would open the gifts one at a time while rest of the family looked on. I remember wondering if the gift being opened was really appreciated and when opening a gift was careful to express the appropriate amount of gratitude. Even so there times when it was obvious the gift was a disappointment.

This year all that pressure was reduced with fewer gifts and fewer expectations of gift exchanges. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE giving and receiving presents. The suspense of what is inside, how will it be received, will it be something I’ve wanted but didn’t feel willing or able to buy it for myself. However, I do wonder about all the money, time, worry, and resources that go into this tradition. Do I need to give giftS, one never seems to suffice, to a loved one in order for them to know and believe and FEEL the love I hold for them? Is that love and caring I hold for my family and friends diminished when either the gift doesn’t match expectations or worse yet my loved ones begin comparing and taking notes measuring my love by what he or she received compared to another. Mem and I, and most people I know, agonize over this upon every gift giving occasion. Mem makes very detailed lists of what she gives to whom, how much was spent, and how many gifts each family member has received. WHEW! Even so we have witnessed disappointment and sometimes even envy when gifts have been exchanged. Now we seem to be moving past this a little as our family ages and finds themselves in the midst of change.

Enter the newest light of our lives, you. Mem and I have already begun purchasing items for you… a little wrist rattle, a sleeper with penguins and polar bears on it (your Aunt had some input on that). These little things are just our way of expressing the joy of having you in our lives and we know they will never be assessed by you. How will I ever be able to find a gift for you to express how much I love and care for you? It has been a question that has plagued me whenever I consider buying a present for a loved one or friend. When buying something for a friend I wonder if it will be TOO personal, convey the wrong message or just seem trivial? Then there is the experience of seeing treasured gifts get used briefly then tossed aside, broken, or discarded. Is there no feeling more desolate than seeing a gift that a person spent time and thought selecting either in the trash or the donate box? I ponder this now dear grandchild (can’t wait until we have a name for you) because it is my hope and dream that we can get past the gift giving, present exchange game with you. Not that there will not be any gifts Mem and I will give you, I’m sure there will be PLENTY and more if you live far away from us (my heart sinks just at the thought of it). Somehow part of giving a gift to someone at a distance is to let him or her know they are thought of and cared about. Unfortunately often the gift can get in the way. Hopefully, as you grow and mature I can continue this conversation with you about gift giving, consumerism, and finding ways other than giving you “stuff” to let you know how wonderful and magnificent you are to Mem and me.

Time to venture out into the fog for a quiet walk along the forsaken, for now at least, paths at our University. Considering how hectic and crazy it can be during the school year I treasure the opportunity to have the whole place to myself… for the most part.

Until next time dear grandchild… be well, play hard, laugh often and know you are Loved.
Pep