Lloyd, our trusty 02 Toyota Corolla, is rumbling along the ribbon of concrete that stretches between University Town and M, MN. Fields of snow stretch out on either side while brief glimpses of sunshine poke out from a sky crowded with long, grey cloudbanks. Semi’s lumber by, kicking up tufts of snow that drifted earthward earlier today, SUV’s and pick-up trucks pass me at ease, and even compact hybrids seem to zip by as I plod along at 70 MPH. That’s OK with me, I’m enjoying the drive as I munch on Cheetoes and Freetos corn chips while listening to another taped installment of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

Since I know the story so well my mind drifts to one of my favorite daydreams lately, you. I’m anticipating sharing some of my favorite old movies and TV shows with you like Star Wars and Star Trek The Next Generation & Voyager. Yuppers, your Pep and Mem as well as Aunt and Uncle are trekkies. When our children were growing up watching Star Trek the Next Generations and later Voyager was part of their bedtime ritual. The kids would get their jamies on before we would gather around the television to switch it on and invite our Star Trek buddies into our living room as we traversed the galaxy with them and shared in their adventures. After the show was over we often had wonderful conversations about the episodes and the storyline. Often the shows would reflect current events or historical dilemmas like ethnic cleansing or the effects of civil wars. I have discovered when families watch a television show together and spend time discussing it after, the show takes on greater meaning and events that were disturbing or confusing come to light.

Suddenly, as I anticipated sharing in some of these activities with you the snacks in my hands didn’t taste so good. This question began to nag me, “How long would I be around to share in these and other activities with you?” Well the obvious answer was as bloody long as I could! I want to share so much of life’s adventures with you, far beyond sitting and watching movies & TV shows. There are so many ways to partake in the wonders of life with a loved one… hiking up mountain tops, kayaking the fiords of Norway, whitewater rafting the rapids of the Rockies, or just sitting beneath a canopy of stars and pointing our telescope at a distant point of light to imagine what that place might be like. To do these things I need to be healthy, in shape, hell…alive! All of a sudden every negative nutritional nugget about the junk food sitting next to me came back in sudden rush. Sure a few cheese puffs or greasy corn chips won’t hurt… much. BUT I want to, need to do everything to stay alive and healthy and virile to be prepared to live and laugh and dance through life with you!

See what you have done to me dear grandchild!? You are not even born and I am re-examining my life habits. This is the time when many people make New Years Resolutions to change of improve their lives. These resolutions often include things like lose weight, exercise on a regular basis, read more, write in a journal or diary every day, and on and on. I have not been immune from partaking in this ritual in the past. Like many others these well-meaning life-altering intentions often fell to the wayside within a week or two. This year I only have one Resolution: do everything possible to keep healthy of mind, body and spirit so I will have many, many, many years to enjoy the wonders life’s journey with you and any other grandchild that arrives in this magnificent world.

Thank you dear one for refocusing my priorities on the most important aspect of being alive, family. I thank the Creator I’ve been fortunate enough to know you from Moment One. Now it’s time for me take a brisk walk across campus to my office and bring some order to that mess. Until next time dear grandchild… be well, play hard, laugh often and know you are Loved.

Pep

Shhh… can you hear it? The wind is howling like a banshee as 25-30 mile-an-hour winds roar across the northern plains. Like ten thousand anguished souls winter gusts whistle and moan and thrash about the city. Scooping up grains of snow it hurls them against our house and sends blinding bursts of snow across area roadways, “white fog” an area meteorologist once called it. Can you hear the anguish in those bursts as you slumber and develop secure in your mother’s womb? Those are the winds of change that will usher in a new weather system as an opposing front pushes in from the south. All across this great planet the winds of change howl and rage.

Earlier today I was channel surfing through our expansive four channel selection, that’s right Junior no cable or HDTV at Mem and Pep’s. Suddenly I was drawn into a segment of Oprah Winfrey’s talk show and found myself wincing and desperate to thrust myself into the future, find my teenage grandchild and wrap my arms securely about you. Oprah’s show was on teenage suicides, those that had failed, and the lives left in the wake of such a heartrending act. One guest had tried to end his life at fifteen by taking a shotgun to his head. He missed or miscalculated the tenacity at which humans can cling to even the thinnest fabric of life. The result of this attempt blew the boys face off but left him alive. He was blind in both eyes, his nose looked like a pig’s snout, and even after almost eighty surgeries his cheeks were misshapen and his reconstructed lower jaw barely worked. As this eighteen-year-old boy retold the events his voice resembled a stroke victim since it was so muted and distorted by a partial tongue and damaged upper palate. The other guest I saw was a seventeen-year-old girl, or what was left of her after she tried to discontinue her anguished life by laying her body on a train track as a 60 car freight train rumbled toward her. She rolled herself onto the set and refused assistance as she hoisted her torso and the stubs of her once long and shapely legs onto Oprah’s couch. Both of these guests represented only a fragment of the growing population of adolescents who have attempted or succeeded at committing suicide.

There are many demons in this world adults try to eradicate or at least shelter loved ones and future generations from contact with. Numerous childhood diseases now pose little threat when vaccinated against. Many forms of cancer that once represented a death sentence can now be treated by modern medicine. Stricter law enforcement and reporting laws attempt to track sexual predators and child molesters. Improvements in all these areas and others will continue to be made as we seek to make a safer, healthier, and even happier world for future generations. Yet there is one aspect of life that we cannot shield loved ones for, a dark and murky side of life that is so intertwined with our existence that it will not be denied. These demons reside in the darker side of our emotional landscape, the ying to the yang of joy, gladness and even euphoria. Grief, loneliness, anguish have many facets and levels of intensity to deny their existence is to walk through life backwards, constantly having to look over one’s shoulder just to move forward.

I am not advocating life is brimming with misery and despair and we need brace ourselves for an onslaught of demons from the dark side. Life is an incredible, rich, roller-coaster adventure that never stops serving up surprises! This is no rosy, “life is all fun and games” outlook. As someone gifted with ADHD I have walked all too often in the minefield of despair.  If I could spare you, dear grandchild, a journey into this bleak realm I would. But alas these demons have too many faces, and can sneak up unannounced at the most inopportune time. It can be a cherished friend who may break your trust, steal a lover in an act of lust, or simply drift away as if those times of cherished comradeship never occurred. There will be love interests that never materialize and others that will sizzle and blaze with such intensity that in time the relationship may supernova and disintegrate. The demons of despair can be deeply personal as in unachieved goals, death of a loved one, or a feeling of abandonment. Or, as we are experiencing now in 2007-08, the demons of despair and anguish can be generated and felt by a mass population triggered by atrocities such as the recent assassination of Pakistani political leader and two-time Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto and the violence in Kenya caused by the “stealing” on the election by president Mwai Kibaki. Whether deeply personal or on a local, national, or world level these powerful, negative emotions can lead to violence, destruction, and on a personal level death by either suicide or neglect.

Though I am no psychologist, or psychiatrist (though I’ve seen some of both in my time) my personal ventures into this austere human landscape have taught me that it is critical NOT to face these demons alone. They are persuasive and often seek to separate us from reason and loved ones. It has been key for me to face and accept the situation, admit that this is a pretty sucky time and experience then force myself to do something, find someone to help me out of the abyss. Neuroscience suggests that for some humans, and perhaps other life forms, the brain may not be capable of creating enough of the proper chemicals, or natural drug if you wish, to bring the organism out of the brink. Grief and anguish can spiral into despair and depression when the brain fixates on not only the initial negative event but begins knitting together like one huge afghan of misery all the negative experiences it can muster. When drawn into depression a person often secludes herself/himself, withdraws from social interactions, and retreats from favorite pastimes and activities. Yet research suggests this is exactly what a person needs to get out of the pit of despair… talk with those who care about you, get involved with favorite activities, DO SOMETHING fun and pleasurable and more than anything make a conscious effort to want to get past feeling miserable. Sometimes this may be unattainable without medical aids.

Perhaps in my next letter I’ll tell you about my plunge into the well of despair and eventually faced suicide. But for now know that if you ever, ever, EVER need to speak to someone who cares and will listen know that I am here. If I am still drawing breath and my neural net is intact CALL ME no matter the time or day. It doesn’t matter if I’m in the middle of another attempt at scaling Mt Everest, have a gig at Carnegie Hall, am set to interview a world leader, or just sitting and enjoying a moment of solace call me, come to me, or I will come to you. No one has to or is meant to face these demons alone. You will have to fight your way through it, get past the sadness and trials of life, and discover that with enormous joy and enthusiasm for life come times of great sadness and indifference to the allure of a sometimes mundane existence. But you don’t have to travel those journeys alone. Remember that I will always love and care deeply about you, just as I have from Moment One.

Time to get on with life’s adventure, tally ho! and into the fray.

Until next time dear grandchild… be well, play hard, laugh often and know you are Loved.
Pep

Merry Christmas! Warmer temperatures and plenty of snow have combined to bring us a Christmas fog that has settled over the city. Streetlights float in the mist creating halos of yellow glare. Like phantoms of Christmas yet to come cars emerge out of the soup in a rumbling, crunching burst of light - their headlights barely penetrating the fog. It’s eerily quite this Christmas morn with all of the campus deserted and the Mansion sitting on the edge of the void.

Having celebrated Christmas on Sunday with your mom and dad today looks to be quite laid back and counter to our usual holiday festivities of opening Christmas Stockings then partaking in a Christmas Day feast, last year it was my infamous beef and seafood stir-fry. Although it is unusual and odd not to have Christmas Stocking to dig into and presents to unwrap it feels good not to have the presence of presents hanging overhead. For most of my life the tradition of gift giving and receiving has been central to Christmas tradition. When our children were young and both their grandparents were alive it would literally take hours to open the gifts that were stacked like multi-colored towers beneath and around our Christmas tree. Your mom, aunt. and uncle would tear into one after another gift while the adults dutifully looked on and smiled or sought for a sign that the gifts were “just right” and properly appreciated. When Thelma, Mem’s mother was in attendance we would open the gifts one at a time while rest of the family looked on. I remember wondering if the gift being opened was really appreciated and when opening a gift was careful to express the appropriate amount of gratitude. Even so there times when it was obvious the gift was a disappointment.

This year all that pressure was reduced with fewer gifts and fewer expectations of gift exchanges. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE giving and receiving presents. The suspense of what is inside, how will it be received, will it be something I’ve wanted but didn’t feel willing or able to buy it for myself. However, I do wonder about all the money, time, worry, and resources that go into this tradition. Do I need to give giftS, one never seems to suffice, to a loved one in order for them to know and believe and FEEL the love I hold for them? Is that love and caring I hold for my family and friends diminished when either the gift doesn’t match expectations or worse yet my loved ones begin comparing and taking notes measuring my love by what he or she received compared to another. Mem and I, and most people I know, agonize over this upon every gift giving occasion. Mem makes very detailed lists of what she gives to whom, how much was spent, and how many gifts each family member has received. WHEW! Even so we have witnessed disappointment and sometimes even envy when gifts have been exchanged. Now we seem to be moving past this a little as our family ages and finds themselves in the midst of change.

Enter the newest light of our lives, you. Mem and I have already begun purchasing items for you… a little wrist rattle, a sleeper with penguins and polar bears on it (your Aunt had some input on that). These little things are just our way of expressing the joy of having you in our lives and we know they will never be assessed by you. How will I ever be able to find a gift for you to express how much I love and care for you? It has been a question that has plagued me whenever I consider buying a present for a loved one or friend. When buying something for a friend I wonder if it will be TOO personal, convey the wrong message or just seem trivial? Then there is the experience of seeing treasured gifts get used briefly then tossed aside, broken, or discarded. Is there no feeling more desolate than seeing a gift that a person spent time and thought selecting either in the trash or the donate box? I ponder this now dear grandchild (can’t wait until we have a name for you) because it is my hope and dream that we can get past the gift giving, present exchange game with you. Not that there will not be any gifts Mem and I will give you, I’m sure there will be PLENTY and more if you live far away from us (my heart sinks just at the thought of it). Somehow part of giving a gift to someone at a distance is to let him or her know they are thought of and cared about. Unfortunately often the gift can get in the way. Hopefully, as you grow and mature I can continue this conversation with you about gift giving, consumerism, and finding ways other than giving you “stuff” to let you know how wonderful and magnificent you are to Mem and me.

Time to venture out into the fog for a quiet walk along the forsaken, for now at least, paths at our University. Considering how hectic and crazy it can be during the school year I treasure the opportunity to have the whole place to myself… for the most part.

Until next time dear grandchild… be well, play hard, laugh often and know you are Loved.
Pep

A grey morning sky leaks snow in light, fluffy flakes that resemble the down used to stuff pillows and winter jackets. Perhaps the angels above are celebrating Christmas Eve with a pillow fight. Although tonight is the traditional time we usually get together with your mom and dad to open presents and dine together this year we celebrated Christmas yesterday. Originally we planned it this way because your mom was still flying freight for UPS (United Parcel Service) and needed to get back to Sioux Falls by early this morning to move more holiday freight. Since it wasn’t an easy jaunt across town as in past years we decided on gathering yesterday.

Soon after your parents arrived at the Mansion we discovered that we no longer had to worry about the time constraint since your mom had taken a leave of absence from flying. She discovered that flying required all her attention as a single pilot flying one of the largest planes, a Metro-liner, and recently she found her thoughts preoccupied with you. Already she worried about your safety. What if there were a problem and there was a rough landing, how could she bear endangering her child? During the day, including those hours in the air, your mom thought of you, your future, your education, what it would be like to hold you in her arms and see you take your first steps and all those other firsts. What if something should happen to her while flying during this treacherous time of ice and snow? So she decided to take a leave of absence and consider her options. Amazing isn’t it, how quickly those around you begin to worry, and fuss, and ponder the welfare of the one they love and cherish… you. As you grow and mature and begin to expand your life beyond the realm of family it will be annoying and even embarrassing at times to be loved so completely. It can feel like being suffocated, not trusted, or restricted to forever being viewed as a “helpless baby.” I understand that, we all have gone through those emotions as we grow and mature. However, it is also a wonderful, secure feeling to be encompassed in a love that will always be there just as it has always been there… even before you have breathed your first breath, let lose your first cry, or grasped the first finger of a loved one that held you. Believe me we WANT you to get out there and take on the world and reach for undiscovered territories, it’s just so damn hard to let go of someone you’ve loved and cherished from Day One.

The presents under the tree yesterday were pretty scarce. Although we all can think of things we want and desire there comes a time when those things become secondary to the real, meaningful gifts of family and time spent together. We are all at a juncture in our lives where the amassing of more possessions is viewed at as more of a burden than a gift. Mem and I are living in two houses and neither seem like a home without the presence of each other. Currently I live in the Mansion during the week then go back home to be with Mem during the weekend. We originally planned to sell our home and buy one where I work but our home has not sold. With the prospect of moving still looming in the not too distant future we really don’t want more stuff. For Christmas this year Mem and I gave each other the gift of time, going away to spend three days in December at a bed and breakfast, The Inn at Maple Crossing in Mento, MN. It was the BEST gift two people living apart could give each other. Your mom and dad are hoping to buy a mobile home soon and do some traveling before settling in Arizona. They are struggling to figure out what to store in the mobile home so they sure don’t need more stuff, no matter how cool it is. Your Aunt is graduating from college in May, planning on traveling to Japan for a month or two for a visit with her only cuz and then moving home until her application to the Peace Corps is accepted and then she’ll spend two years overseas. She knows there is little room to store more stuff during this time or travel and uncertainty. Your Great Aunt J, gosh that makes her sound SO old and she isn’t, lives in a modest condo and is also at the point of looking to reduce the amount of possessions not add to them.

As a result of all these situations we decided on something different for this year’s Holiday gift exchange. Everyone bought and wrapped one gift worth about $25 but did not specify who it was for. Then we took turns opening a gift from someone else OR taking the option to “steal” a gift from someone else that had already been opened. This gift exchange was J’s idea. Although some of us were a bit skeptical of how it would work out it actually ended up with everyone getting just what they wanted and only your dad and I exchanged gifts. The really odd thing was that we all bought gifts with someone else in mind and it was THAT person who ended up opening and keeping the “perfect gift” meant for them. For instance Mem bought a really cool mirror with wrought iron-work that had been hand-welded and included some coat hooks along the bottom. When she bought it your mother came to mind as Mem thought it would work great in a small apartment or even the mobile home. Your mom opened it and loved it. I bought a small rice cooker and vegetable steamer and thought your Aunt could use it to prepare a meal in the morning and have it ready when she comes home from class or work. Plus she likes stir-fry but doesn’t like to make the rice and have a bunch left over. She opened it and loved it. Great  Aunt J bought a book Defining Moments in Music:1890-2006 general editor Sean Egan and thought of Mem because of how much she loves music. Mem opened it and pored over the book. I ended up with a basket of various Italian foodstuffs that your mom bought and since I love to cook it was perfect for me! Everyone ended up with one gift they really liked and would use.

Although you weren’t born, for ME this was your first Christmas with your family. Mem and I wrapped the little wrist rattle we bought at Target for you and gave it to your mom and dad. This led to a discussion on how your presence next Christmas would change the Holidays. We envisioned more gifts under the tree and anticipated the year when you could open your own gifts and we could see the reaction in your face and eyes. N was anticipating bringing Santa back into Christmas through you while Mem and I thought about how we would anticipate when you could help us decorate the tree. N and your mom chimed in, “And there would be a new audience for all the ornament stories mom has.” Many of the ornaments on our tree are Mem’s and she does have some wonderful tales behind most of the ornaments. To this day my favorite part or decorating the tree is hearing Mem’s “ornament stories,” I never tire of them and hope you get to enjoy them as well.

After a delicious meal of ham, potatoes, carrots, lefse, salad, and cheese/garlic bread we cleaned up the kitchen and sat around to discuss your future. Your mom and dad shared how they would like to home-school you so they would be free to travel with you in their not yet bought RV. This led to a discussion of the current educational system, which we have lamented over for years, but this time it was more personal as we pondered how to provide the best education for you. Yeah, I know, not even born yet and we have you in school. Remember dear one, I said how to provide the best education for you. For our family we believe that an education begins with life’s first breath and continues until either the last breath is drawn or a person makes a personal choice to stop learning (which for me is the point a person stops living). We all agreed that you should have the choice to participate in whatever activities you chose as long as you are willing to follow through with it for the duration of the lessons. For instance if you want to learn ballet, hey guys can do ballet too… I was in the Nutcracker two years in a row!… you should stick with it until that round of lessons is over. Something tells me your mom and dad will want you to have the experience of learning how to fly, since both of them are pilots.

After awhile your mom and Aunt went off by themselves to have a quiet chat about you and other things. I think that conversation brought them closer together than they have ever been. N said latter that wherever they end up building a home in Arizona your mom wants horses so you can learn to ride. She also pointed out to your mom and dad that they should consider having two children so you would not be an only child. Your Aunt and Uncle B are only 18 months apart and have a very tight, special relationship that I think sometimes your mom was a tad jealous of since she was the elder sis by nearly six years. Imagine that, you are not even born yet and there is talk of giving you a brother or sister. Better enjoy the status of an only child while you can! Of course we all know that things can change and any number of events can affect having children.

Soon, the hour approached midnight and despite pleas to stay the night your mom and dad insisted they needed to get back home and tend to the “boys” their kitties Piper and Cessna. As they headed out and down the road I sent prayers of God-speed and safe journey for all three of my loved ones. Already you were there with us as we celebrated your “first Christmas.”

It’s time to end for now and have some breakfast. Until next time dear grandchild… be well, play hard, laugh often and know you are Loved.

Pep

Night has chased out the daylight several hours ago. Darkness wraps itself around the city and creates a superb backdrop for the holiday lights that twinkle, flash, shine, and glimmer from windows, lawns, and even neighborhood rooftops. Today was lefse-making day for your Aunt N and I. After nearly seven hours of either standing and bending over a counter while rolling out the dough or sitting and flipping the lefse as it cooks on the grill my back hurts, feet ache, and arms are just a little sore after all that rolling. Despite my complaints though, I wouldn’t trade the experience of making lefse with N for anything!

For several years making lefse was a Holiday tradition that was shared by Mem, your mom, N, and your Uncle B. It was never really something Mem was enthusiastic about doing. Lefse making is actually a two day event with Mem mixing up the dough the night before and the next morning she would mix the potato dough with more flour, divide it into three equal parts and then enlist N, B, and your mom to roll the dough into little balls. Often Mem would make a double batch that took from sunrise until perhaps ten at night to get transformed into lefse. Out of all our children N was the one who enjoyed making lefse with me the most. I’ve always loved to cook and having never even tasted lefse until I married your grandmother making lefse with my children was a treasured tradition for me. Mem saw it otherwise. She has been eating and making lefse most of her life and remembers her grandmother whipping up a small batch of lefse with the leftover potatoes from lunch or supper. For our family we all had our special tasks: Mem mixed up the batter and readied it for being rolled, N and B would roll the dough into small balls, I used the special slotted rolling-pin to roll the balls into razor thin (well that it the intent anywho) pieces that would then be put on a lefse grill to be cooked. Although it has been viewed as a Family Tradition to make lefse at Christmas time the bulk of the work fell to Mem and I. She mixed up the dough and honestly did most of the clean-up. Although the kids were always enthusiastic about the process and sure did enjoy eating the finished product usually I ended up doing much of the rolling and cooking. This was in part because your mom and uncle weren’t all that interested in making it and I often got a little too particular about the rolling and cooking (sometimes the dough sticks to the rolling pin or pastry sheet and would make a big, sticky mess). Also- as your mom, Aunt N, and Uncle B got older they became busier and it became more difficult to find the time to devote to the tradition. So several years ago Mem went on strike and refused to make the dough and since it was not my “job” I didn’t want to take on the extra task. Your Aunt  was the one who asked on a regular basis and lamented the loss of this Family Holiday Lefse-making tradition.

This year N again asked about making lefse, Mem insisted she wasn’t going to help, and I offered to roll and bake but not make the dough. So N took the initiative and with guidance from Mem (she now has the new role of “lefse consultant”) N took over the role of making the dough and also helped me roll and flip the lefse on the grill. While we made lefse today Mem and your great-aunt J hung around in the kitchen to watch, sample, and chat. You were a favorite topic of conversation. N and I wondered how long we had to wait before inducting you into the Family Holiday Lefse-making Tradition. Your Aunt thought you should start, like she did, with rolling the dough into balls and maybe we could get you a little lefse stick for flipping smaller pieces. Great Aunt J wondered if you would be living in MN as your father has expressed the intent on returning to Arizona where he has relatives and grew up as a child. We all grew somber at the thought of being separated from you as you grew up. It was determined that you should experience some Christmas holidays in MN where snow and cold seem so integral to the whole Christmas scene. Otherwise we would have to pack up our lefse making gear and take a road trip to wherever you are because we want you to be part of our lives. N decided she wants to make crochet a baby blanket for you and has been pondering the colors and design best for her beloved niece/nephew.

As another dusting of snowfall covers the sidewalks and trees the lefse has cooled and been bagged up, the dishes washed, and the flour soiled countertops wiped down. It’s time to end for now and rest. Until next time dear grandchild… be well, play hard, laugh often and know you are Loved.

Pep

Recipe for Lefse:  (makes 48 rounds)

3 cups dried milk powder
9 cups hot water
3 sticks butter
9 cups Betty Crocker Potato Buds
6 tablespoons sugar
5 teaspoons salt

Add butter to water and heat to melt
Mix dry ingredients together, add hot water and butter.
Beat with mixer
Cool overnight in fridge
Before baking divide into thirds and add 1 & ½ scant cups of flour to each section
Mix and work well and shape into a long roll.
Cut each roll into 16 pieces and roll out into rounds
Refrigerate the balls (rounds) keeping only 6-8 balls out to reduce the batter from sticking to rolling pin and pastry sheet

Interstate highway 29 (I-29) runs north-south from Canada through eastern North Dakota on into South Dakota and dives south through Nebraska. The stretch of road that runs through North Dakota is a desolate stretch that parallels the MN border. Since I’ve been living in M, MN and working at the University in University-town I’ve traversed I-29 often. On this day your Mem and Aunt N accompanied me on the northbound trek. Of course at this time your existence was unknown to us. Our 02 Toyota, Corolla “Lloyd”, yeah sometimes we name our vehicles, was humming along the bleak winter landscape of snow-covered fields and shelter-belts frosted white with a recent snowfall. Christmas music was leaking out of the radio, I love Christmas music and listen to it all year long, N was reading in the backseat, and Mem was chatting to me in the front seat. How can I remember such detail of a mundane drive on a day not notorious for any significant historical or political events? Because my dear grandchild it WAS significant for us, it was the day you came into our lives and changed them, forever. Most human cultures celebrate the significance of a birthday and recognize it as the date when a particular human entered the world. However, what is not usually realized is how, in those nine months of gestation the bonding process between a life in formation and those who love and care about that new life begins. Know my dear grandchild that from the moment your existence was known your were loved, thought about on a daily basis, and brought great excitement and joy to those who loved you.

We weren’t too far along the seventy-mile journey north when your mom called. It was meant as a simple, quick call to confirm that your mom and dad would be coming up the weekend before Christmas to celebrate with us and your great-aunt, Mem’s sister, J. However, when your mom was talking to Mem she let slip that she had a “little surprise” to tell all of us on Sunday. Excited as your mom was it didn’t take too much prompting from your grandmother to get the secret out.  Don’t ask me how, but somehow I knew about you weeks before, Thanksgiving actually. It wasn’t some sort of psychic revelation, you weren’t revealed to me in a dream by an ancestor. It was just a suspicion I had based on some of the conversations we had with your mom and dad when they were over for Thanksgiving. Back in the car, I remember when your mom told Mem about you and she said, “Wow! Are you sure? How far along are you.” Your Aunt N kept saying, “Is M pregnant, is M pregnant?” She was giddy, or so she seemed to me, as she kept trying to grab my cell phone out of Mem’s hand. From that moment on you became part of our lives and began to affect the way we looked at even the simplest things.

When we arrived at Uiversity-town we stopped at Target to buy some supplies. Mem and I bought our first gift for you as we were wandering past the baby section. Not knowing your gender we decided to call you “Junior,” not very creative I know but I wanted to call you something more than “the Baby.” That’s why I’ll be starting each entry to you, “Dear Junior.” That will change in time once your gender and name are revealed and perhaps sooner if we think of a different way to refer to you. As we walked through the baby section our joy and excitement from thinking about you drove us to stop and survey the infant toys and clothes. After careful consideration we settled on a wonderful little wrist rattle that had a little mirror and colors not specific of any gender. Later, while I waited for N in the book and video section (something we do often for a book and video lover like your aunt) I had picked out several books for your parents about child rearing, prenatal care, baby-name books, and educational books for babies and toddlers. How quickly you caused me to look at the world differently.

I must end for now but PLAN to keep this journal going to you for a long time. You see my grandchild, I want you to know your Mem and Pep and how much you are loved and thought about right from Moment One. My father died when I was twelve and my grandfather, my mom’s dad, died when I was fourteen. My other grandfather died before I was even born. There is so much about them I wish I’d known, questions that will never be answered. Of course there is no way I could answer all your questions, and I hope you will have many, many, many questions about all of life’s events including your heritage. There are so many things I want to tell you and know not how long fate may allow me to hang out this time around. So I hope to write to you, share events from my life, memories, and if I can establish the routine continue this journal long after your birth. First bit of insight… why do I refer to your grandmother and I as “Mem” and “Pep?” For me the term grandma and grandpa have the connotation of being old, frumpy, and sedentary. Some people who study human social patterns say that the “Boomer Generation,” that the generation of Mem and I, resist the concept of being old so much that many of our generation seek alternative labels to “grandma” and “grandpa.”  Mem and Pep are short for memere and pepere, which is French-Canadian for grandmother and grandfather. That is what I called my grandparents, “memere and pepere,” I thought it would be cooler to shorten it to Mem and Pep. So there you have it. We shall see if it sticks when you are born.

Until next time dear grandchild… be well, play hard, laugh often and know you are Loved .

Pep

It would make sense to introduce the concept of this blog before diving into it. I should also mention that this is my second attempt at doing this blog. Me last attempt failed when the blog site refused my password, I wrote it down verbatim, and then had no method for resetting my password or emailing me a new one. So here goes again.

Before Christmas my love and I discovered that we were going to be  grandparents. Our daughter and her hubby are due in July. Being a writer and adventurer at heart I wanted to begin communicating with this child and sharing some things about this wonderful world, family, heritage, and just life in general. No one knows the time left on our debit card before it expires. This will be an attempt to reach into the future and let our grandchild know how much he/she was loved and cherished from Day One.

Thanks for stopping by, come back often. Now sure how often I’ll be able to post. These entries are also being kept in several places so one day they can be printed up in a book of some sorts for “Junior.” SO lets begin shall we, times a wastin’!

“Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing."

An email has been sent to you giving you details of how to log in to the administration section. From there you can change the design by clicking on the tab MANAGE and then click on the tab THEMES. If you have any questions, ask them in the forums — we are only too willing to help.